Baggy Trousers
(McPherson/Foreman)

Naughty boys in nasty schools
Headmaster's breaking all the rules
Having fun and playing fools
Smashing up the woodwork tools

All the teachers in the pub
Passing round the ready rub
Trying not to think of when
The lunchtime bell will ring again

Oh what fun we had
But did it really turn out bad
All I learnt at school
Was how to bend not break the rule
Oh what fun we had
But at the time it seemed so bad
Trying different ways to
To make a difference to...

The headmaster's had enough today
All the kids have gone away
Gone to fight with next door's school
Every term that is the rule
Sits alone and bends his cane
Same old backsides again
All the small ones tell tall tales
Walking home and squashing snails

Oh what fun we had
But did it really turn out bad
All I learnt at school
Was how to bend not break the rule
Oh what fun we had
But at the time it seemed so bad
Trying different ways to
To make a difference to the days

Lots of girls and lots of boys
Lots of smells and lots of noise
Playing football in the park
Kicking pushbikes after dark
Baggy trousers dirty shirt
Pulling hair and eating dirt
Teacher comes to break it up
Back of the head with a plastic cup

Oh what fun we had
But did it really turn out bad
All I learnt at school
Was how to bend not break the rule
Oh what fun we had
But at the time it seemed so bad
Trying different ways to
To make a difference to the days

Baggy trousers baggy trousers
Baggy trousers
Baggy trousers baggy trousers
Baggy trousers
Baggy trousers baggy trousers
Baggy trousers



Embarrassment
(Thompson/Barson)

Received a letter just the other day
Don't seem they wanna know you no more
They've laid it down given you their score
Within the first two lines it bluntly read

You're not to come see us no more
Keep away from our door
Don't come round here no more
What on earth did you do that for?

Our Aunt she don't wanna know she says
What will the neighbours think they'll think
We don't that's what they'll think we don't
But I will 'cos I know they think I don't

Our uncle he don't wanna know
He says we are a disgrace to the human race
He says how can you show your face
When you're a disgrace to the human race

They've made a commitment you're an embarrassment
Yes an embarrassment a living endorsement
The intention that you have booked
Was an intention that was overlooked

They say stay away
Don't want you home today
Keep away from our door
Don't come around here no more

Our Dad he don't wanna know he says
This is a serious matter
Too late to reconsider
No one's gonna wanna know ya

Our Mum she don't wanna know she says
I'm feeling twice as old she says
Thought she had her head on her shoulders
'Cos I'm feeling twice as older
I'm feeling twice as older

You're an embarrassment



E.R.N.I.E
(McPherson/Foreman)

I am the bringer of your wishes
Your saviour from doing work
The washer of your dishes
And you still get your midday perk
Estate agent your mansion
And pot of gold all the home comforts
Before you're getting tired and old

One more try try to get what you've never had
Five more bob for the whole world it can't be bad
We can't all win look it's happening
The futures looking not so bleak

A thousand winners every week
A thousand winners every week

So when you hear me coming
Along halls and up the stairs
In the back of teapots
In the cupboard under chairs
Forget all your wive's tales
Of forecasts and dividends
When Ernie feels vibrations
Only pays out to trusted friends

One more try try to get what you've never had
Five more bob for the whole world it can't be bad
We can't all win look it's happening
The futures looking not so bleak

A thousand winners every week
A thousand winners every week

Congratulations you've just won
A five thousand pound premium bond

So keep your hand on the bottle
And your eyes screwed upon the set
When the score comes up it could be you for the big one yet
No thank you on the front page of the Currant Bun
They think you stink but in the pub you'll be number one

One more try try to get what you've never had
Five more bob for the whole world it can't be bad
We can't all win look it's happening
The futures looking not so bleak

A thousand winners every week
A thousand winners every week
A thousand winners every week
A thousand winners every week



Close Escape
(Thompson/Foreman)

That was a close escape
Had to get a new hobby to relate
Something less conspicuous
Won't take up too much time

Something less energetic
For what I've got in mind
I won't be too persistent
‘Cos I'm not that way inclined

C that's the one for me
Look under Collins and see if she's free
Sweaty fingers find 5p
Four one five one six eight three
Hello Miss Collins you'll not know me
I'm in the undies business see
Please please can you tell me
The size how far from the knee

Oh dear dear me luck is running thin
I'll take another name I might have a win
Got two more coins
I hope no one's listening in

D that's the one for me
Look under Dickens C F G
See if she'll speak to me
Hands are getting shaky eyes can't see
Having trouble find 5p
Two one seven one nine eight three
Hello Miss Dickens you'll not know me
I'm in the undies business see

Feel more relaxed now here we go again
Oi no peeping someone must take me in
Oh dear dear me luck is running thin

So please please can you tell me
The texture feel feel good to me
In the naked nude
Try to grin and bare with me
Please don't think me rude
I only hear don't want to see
Ha ha

E that's the one for me
That was quick too quick for me
Of that I can see
What's your name Mildred well bugger me
Sugar in milk in me tea
No I couldn't well I'll see
What's you're hobby?
Just the same as me
See you soon for tea

I'll give it one last chance I think you'll all agree
I'm getting no game here I'm on my last 5p
I'll flicker through the pages nothing interests me
I'll ring another number make sure it's a C
Here we go again I'll give it third degree
No hards below yes I'm sure you'll all agree
I'll take another name I might have a win



Not Home Today
(McPherson/Bedford)

She said he'd gone away on a short holiday
He won't be back for a while
The twelve on the bench stood up no hesitance
Said he'll be leaving right after this trial

Circumstance evidence who can cheat providence
He wished he could go back a day
A flick of the wrist he wished that he had missed
“Not guilty” is all he can say

Pass round the gossip now let's wait and see
Pass round the tray now let's have some tea
My boys haven't seen him is he working away?
Don't bother looking he's not home today
Not home today

T shirts and badges graffiti walls and smudges
In the end you believe what you feel
When ten hands are aiming
And no one is blaming
Innocence could be more real

Pass round the gossip now let's wait and see
Pass round the tray now let's have some tea
My boys haven't seen him is he working away
Don't bother asking he's not home today

Not home today



On The Beat Pete
(Thompson/Madness)

Up I rush off to work
Hello Fred you look half dead
Said are you coming are you going
I could never do a double shift
Hello Fred get some bed Fred

Hello Steve long time no see
I like the stones still on the thieve?
Bet you ain't half seen some time
In your short lived life of crime
Have you done the time?

I'm on the beat Pete with my size ten feet
I wander up and down town for me that's a treat
Look at the beauties of the city
See that everything's sweet for me that's a treat
‘Cos I'm on the beat Pete
Swing my truncheon merrily try to teach the blind to see
Move a lady for a seat a tourist find a sight to see
Try to mingle with crowd I wonder if they're proud
Yes that would be treat ‘cos I'm on the beat Pete

Hello Snowball you still drunk?
Here have a smoke and one for lunch
A printed person of last week's Times
Seen a lot of stars and moon shine
Spare you a dime? hahahahahaha

I'm on the beat Pete with my size ten feet
I wander up and down town for me that's a treat
Look at the beauties of the city
See that everything's sweet for me that's a treat
‘Cos I'm on the beat Pete
Swing my truncheon merrily try to teach the blind to see
Move a lady for a seat a tourist find a sight to see
Try to mingle with crowd I wonder if they're proud
Yes that would be treat ‘cos I'm on the beat Pete

Hello Bun been down the oven
What's the rate for a single person
Is it good? Is it sad?
You look unhappy it must be bad
Hello May been a busy day?
All work and no time for play
Still it's the life you chose I suppose
Good luck to you come what may
Skippity do da day

I'm on the beat Pete with my size ten feet
I wander up and down town for me that's a treat
Look at the beauties of the city
See that everything's sweet for me that's a treat
‘Cos I'm on the beat Pete
Swing my truncheon merrily try to teach the blind to see
Move a lady for a seat a tourist find a sight to see
Try to mingle with crowd I wonder if they're proud
Yes that would be treat ‘cos I'm on the beat Pete



Solid Gone
Smyth)

Ha ha ho ho OK boys let's get real solid gone

Shake it mister and a-sister too
I'm gonna make you boogie woogie
Gonna roll in your shoes

Boogie with me baby-boogie! Boogie!
Boogie with me baby-boogie! Boogie!
Won't you boogie with me baby
We'll whoop the whole night through

OK listen to me baby
C'mon baby won't you do it right
You can boogie with me baby
And you know I'll hold you tight
Move on over and watch this
That's the way to do it, honey
Yeah do the twist

Won't you boogie with me baby-boogie! Boogie!
Boogie with me baby-boogie! Boogie!
Won't you boogie with me baby
We'll whoop the whole night through

Swing it with that Joanna! July the 4th

Chrissy Boy! Pick it!

Well I got the boogie the boogie got me
I'm so gone I'm a hap-happy
Won't you boogie with me baby-boogie! Boogie!
Boogie with me baby-boogie! Boogie!
Boogie with me baby
We'll whoop the whole night through

Let's take it over there
Over there-over where? Over there
Well the boogie is a coming over there

Said I got the boogie-I got the boogie
A-boogie with me baby-boogie with me baby
I said I got the boogie-I got the boogie
Boogie with me baby-well boogie with me baby
I said come on we'll flip the whole night through-over there
I said boogie with me baby
We'll rip the whole night through

I said hey Jack can you dig it?
I said c'mon over baby
We'll rip the whole night through
I'm a real solid gone-yeah!



Take It Or Leave It
(Thompson/Barson)

How come he enjoys himself not me? (I dunno)
How can she smile a good morning to me?
How do they make a hard days work easy?
Tell me something I'll put it to the test

Take hold of yourself and you will see
How lucky we are to be free
Now you take for granted life and country

How come he jokes with friends but not me?
How can she sing out of tune not me?
How do they find time for kids on Sunday?
I can't express uncalled for agressh

You're in one way traffic can't you see?
Before a head on crash steer free
Well if it's too late
Don't come cry to me

How come they get on with but not me?
How can they walk arm in arm happily?
How does that old boy march down the street?
Tell me something I'll put it to the test

Take hold of yourself and you will see
How lucky we are to be free
Now you take for granted life and country

How come we never get on you and me?
How can we find out the remedy?
How does that old lady's home look neat?
How does that old lady's home look neat?
How does that old lady's home look neat?
How does that old lady's home look neat?



Shadow Of Fear
(McPherson/Barson)

I walk through Camden Town in the evening
Strolling silently hardly breathing
Footsteps behind me slightly quicker
The corner of my eye a shadowy flicker

I wonder if he's after my soul again tonight
Stops the whisper with the shadows
But still keeps me in his sight
I shout to passing strangers
But they don't seem aware
Don't want to get involved
In my spiritual affair

Tonight my fears are growing worse and worse
I feel him brewing up an evil curse
I sense a chill creep up my spine
I want to scream but only whine
Because I know it can't be true
Minds gone now legs it's up to you

I wonder if he's after my soul again tonight
Stops the whisper with the shadows
But still keeps me in his sight
I shout to passing strangers
But they don't seem aware
Don't want to get involved
In my spiritual affair

I tried to accept him as my partner
His stillness coldness manic laughter
But every time I try to turn around
It froze my ears to hear those sounds
That make you stare into the ground

Sweaty muscles puff and pant I run
Stagger home and hide behind my mum
But even when I'm safely in my bed
I know that he is waiting in my head

I wonder if he's after my soul again tonight
Stops the whisper with the shadows
But still keeps me in his sight
I shout to passing strangers
But they don't seem aware
Don't want to get involved
In my spiritual affair



Disappear
(McPherson/Bedford)

Walls signed with autographs
Ceilings full of echoed laughs
Something's disappeared
Gurus on roller skates
Capital for swinging fetes
The area is to be cleared

A stab in the back
The smoke and the black
As it smoulders to its grave
Disappear with the fun and the fear
Another chance to misbehave

Organ tinkling organ
Marriage planning children
Spinning round and round
Rusty swings and roundabouts
Discos full of layabouts
Nowhere to be found

A stab in the back
The smoke and the black
As it smoulders to its grave
Disappear with the fun and the fear
Another chance to misbehave

Come on then we'll go down there
Let's see the local ash tray
Let's see if we can be happy
We'll mess about just you and me
Must try and make it home before tea

Walls signed with autographs
Ceilings full of echoed laughs
Something's disappeared
Gurus on rollerskates
Capital for swinging fetes
The area is to be cleared

A stab in the back
The smoke and the black
As it smoulders to its grave
Disappear with the fun and the fear
Another chance to misbehave

A stab in the back
The smoke and the black
As it smoulders to its grave
Disappear with the fun and the fear
Another chance to misbehave



Overdone
(Thompson/Foreman)

Door locked open door locked shut
See you soon hopefully not
I've been and gone so many times
Without a word I've dropped no line
Just look forward never back
Selfish bastard teeter brat

Please forgive me
For the things that I've done
Don't feel ashamed
If you're asked “how's your son?”

Living here and living there
Lived at home but very rare
To see your faces it would be a treasure
Locked in memory
To drop a line say hello dad
Await your answer I also beg

Please accept me
From a baby I have done
Pain stress and heartache
I've now overcome

Running here and running there
Often caught but never cared
Been courting every year
Should have been a courtier
I'll understand if it'll matter
If you don't write I'll still beg
I'll understand I will mum
If you can't write I'll still beg

Dealing low and dealing high
Money your way just walked by
Visible lines now I can see
Was all this the cause of me
A letters come she has replied
Read two years ago your mother died

Please forgive me
For the things that I've done
Don't be ashamed
If you're asked “how's your son”?



In The Rain
(McPherson/Madness)

One two three four

There is such confusion in my mind
To play your illusion is so unkind
I didn't know who you were this afternoon
You said that it didn't matter and I'll see you soon

Standing here in the rain
Maybe the weather will change again
Change again or stay the bleedin' same

How I met you in the first place I'll never know
But now I think that I know you you're telling me to go
You said you'd be back told me to wait here just in case
But then you never arrived and I'm waiting outside your place

Standing here in the rain
Maybe the weather will change again
Change again or stay the bleedin' same

Standing here in the rain
Maybe the weather will change again
Change again or stay the bleedin' same

There is such confusion in my mind
To play your illusion is so unkind
I didn't know who you were this afternoon
You said you said that it doesn't matter and I'll see you soon

Standing here in the rain
Maybe the weather will change again
Change again or stay the bleedin' same
Shame



You Said
(McPherson/Barson)

You said you're leaving well that's okay
you said you've had enough what can I say
I suppose I'll be sad for a week or two
but in the end it's the same for me and you
we'll both sorry through and through

You said you're leaving well that's okay
you said you've had enough what can I say
I suppose I'll be sad for a week or two
but in the end it's the same for me and you
we'll both sorry through and through
me and you

You must stop doing this you've got to change
‘cos you hold all the cards you've got the range
every time you go away I get to think

You said you're leaving
you said this you said
you said that you said
you don't want to see me no more
you said you don't want me
to come to your door
you said you said

I suppose I'll be sad for a week or two
but in the end it's the same for me and you
we'll both sorry through and through
yes we do

You must stop doing this you've got to change
‘cos you hold all the cards you've got the range
every time you go away I get to think



Return Of The Los Palmas 7, The
(Barson/Woodgate/Bedford)

Ha ha ha
hi there folks out there
I'd like you to meet
Tommy McGloins combo

Waiter!