1. DUMPWEED

Its understood, I said it many ways
Too scared to run, Im too scared to stay
I said Id leave, but I could never leave her
And if I did, you know Id never cheat her
But this I ask, its what i want to know
How would you feel if I should choose to go
Another guy, you think itd be unlikely
Another guy, you think hed want to fight me

Shes a dove, shes a fuckin nightmare
Unpredictable, it was my mistake to stay here
On the go and its way too late to play
I need a girl that I can train

I heard it once, Im sure I heard it twice
My dad used to give me all of his advice
He would say you got to turn your back and run now
Come on son, you havent got a chance now

Shes a dove, shes a fuckin nightmare
Unpredictable, it was my mistake to stay here
On the go and its way too late to play
I need a girl that I can train

I need a girl that I can train
I need a girl that I can train
Turn your back and run now
You havent got a chance now




2. DON'T LEAVE ME

Dont leave me all alone
Just drop me off at home
Ill be fine, its not the first
Just like last time, but a little worse

She said that I'm not the one that she thinks about and
She said it stopped being fun, I just bring her down
I said "Dont let your future be destroyed by my past"
She said "Dont let my door hit your ass"

One more chance, Ill try this time
Ill give you yours, I wont take mine
Ill listen up, pretend to care
Go on ahead, Ill meet you there

She said that I'm not the one that she thinks about and
She said it stopped being fun, I just bring her down
I said "Dont let your future be destroyed by my past"
She said "Dont let my door hit your ass"

Lets try this one more time with feeling




3. ALIENS EWIST

Hey mom theres something in the backroom
I hope its not the creatures from above
You used to read me stories
As if my dreams were boring
We all know conspiracies are dumb

What if people knew that these were real
Id leave my closet door open all night
I know the CIA would say
What you hear is all hearsay
I wish someone would tell me what was right

Up all night long
And theres something very wrong
And I know it must be late
Been gone since yesterday
Im not like you guys
Im not like you

I am still the skeptic, yes you know me
Been best friends and will be til we die
I got an injection
Of fear from the abduction
My best friend thinks Im just telling lies

Up all night long
And theres something very wrong
And I know it must be late
Been gone since yesterday
Im not like you guys
Im not like you

Dark and scary, ordinary, explanation
Information, nice to know ya, paranoia
Wheres my mother, biofather

Up all night long
And theres something very wrong
And I know it must be late
Been gone since yesterday
Im not like you guys
Twelve majestic lies




4. GOING AWAY TO COLLEGE

Please take me by the hand
Its so cold out tonight
Ill put blankets on the bed
I wont turn out the light
Just dont forget to think about me
And I wont forget you
Ill write you once a week she said

Why does it feel the same
To fall in love or break it off
And if young love is just a game
Then I must have missed the kick off
Dont depend on me to ever follow through on anything
But Id go through hell for you and

I havent been this scared in a long time
And Im so unprepared so heres your valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody
This worlds an ugly place
But youre so beautiful to me

Ill think about the times
She kissed me after class
And she put up with my friends
I acted like an ass
Id ditch my lecture to watch the girls play soccer
Is my picture still hanging in her locker

I havent been this scared in a long time
And Im so unprepared so heres your valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody
This worlds an ugly place
But youre so beautiful




5. WHAT'S MY AGE AGAIN ?

I took her out, it was a Friday night
I wore cologne to get the feeling right
We started making out, and she took off my pants
But then I turned on the TV

And thats about the time she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when you're 23
And are still more amused by TV shows
What the hell is ADD?
My friends say I should act my age
Whats my age again?
Whats my age again?

Then later on, on the drive home
I called her mom from a pay phone
I said I was the cops
And your husbands in jail
This state looks down on sodomy

And thats about the time that bitch hung up on me
Nobody likes you when youre 23
And are still more amused by prank phone calls
What the hell is call ID?
My friends say I should act my age
Whats my age again?
Whats my age again?

And thats about the time she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when youre 23
And you still act like youre in Freshman year
What the hell is wrong with me?
My friends say I should act my age
Whats my age again?
Whats my age again?

And thats about the time she broke up with me
No one should take themselves so seriously
With many years to fall in line
Why would you wish that on me?
I never want to act my age
Whats my age again?
Whats my age again?




6. DYSENTERY GARY

Got a lotta heartache
Hes a fuckin weasel
His issues make my mind ache
Want to make a deal
Cause I love the little motions
You do with your pigtails
What a nice creation
Worth another night in jail

Hes a player, diarrhea giver, tried to grow his hair out
When friends were listening to Slayer
I would like to find him Friday night
Hanging out with mom trying on his fathers tights
Life just sucks, i lost the one
Im giving up
She found someone
Theres plenty more, girls are such a drag

So all you little ladies
Be sure to choose the right guys
Youll come back to me maybe
Ill shower you with lies
Got a lotta heartache
Hes a fuckin weasel
Decisions make my mind ache
Want to make a deal

Ease away the problems and the pain
The girl chose the one guy who makes you want to kick and scream
All along, you wish that she would stay
Fuck the guy who took and ran away

Hes a player, diarrhea giver, tried to grow his hair out
When friends were listening to Slayer
I would like to find him Friday night
Hanging out with mom trying on his fathers tights
Fuck this place, I lost the war
I hate you all
Your moms a whore
Wheres my dog, girls are such a drag




7. ADAM'S SONG

I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest, who'd have known?
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all

I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside

The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over, we'd survived
I couldn't wait 'til I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months, I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never step foot in my room again

You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside

The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over, we'd survived
I couldn't wait 'til I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside

The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, I've survived
I can't wait 'til I get home
To pass the time in my room alone




8. ALL THE SMALL THING

All the small things
True care, truth brings
I'll take one lift
Your ride best trip
Always, I know
You'll be at my show
Watching, waiting, commiserating

Say it aint so, I will not go
Turn the lights off, carry me home
Na, na......

Late night, come home
Work sucks, I know
She left me roses by the stairs
Surprises let me know she cares

Say it aint so, I will not go
Turn the lights off, carry me home
Na, na......

Say it aint so, I will not go
Turn the lights off, carry me home
Keep your head still, Ill be your thrill
The night will go on, my little windmill

Say it aint so, I will not go
Turn the lights off, carry me home
Keep your head still, Ill be your thrill
The night will go on, my little windmill




9. THE PARTY SONG

Do you want to come to a party
My friends picked me up in their truck at 11:30
This things at a frat house but people are cool there
Reluctant I followed but I never dreamed there
Would be someone there who would catch my attention
I wasnt out looking for love or affection
Said I paid my 3 and the girls got in free
Shined the beer for tequila and we headed into the party

And in the backyard some terrible ska band
Someone in the background was doing a keg stand
This place is so lame all the girls look the same
All these guys have no game I wish I would have stayed
In my bed back at home watching TV alone
Where Id put on some porn or have sex on the phone
Far from people I hate down from anywhere state
Trying to intoxicate girls to give them head after the party

And then I saw her standing there
With green eyes and long blonde hair
She wasnt wearing underwear, atleast I prayed that
She might be the one, maybe wed have some fun
Maybe wed watch the sun rise
But that night I learned some girls try too hard
Some girls try too hard
Some girls try too hard to impress
With they way that they dress
With those things on their chests
And the things they suggest to me

I couldnt believe what this lady was saying
The names she was dropping, the games she was playing
She dated the guy who now rides for Black Flys
How shes down with the wise well-constructed disguise
Now Id rather go dateless then sit here and hate this
Her volume of makeup her fake tits were tasteless
So I said Id call her but never would bother
Until I got turned down by another girl at a party

So when you see her standing there
With green eyes and long blonde hair
She wont be wearing underwear, and youll discover
This girls not the one, and shell never be fun
You should just turn and run becauseyoull find out that
Some girls try too hard
Some girls try too hard to impress
With they way that they dress
With those things on their chests
And the things they suggest to me




10. MUTT

He pauses shaving and he tells himself that he is the bomb
She has her curlers set, her credit cards are paying the funds
Hes not that old, Ive been told a strong sexual goal
He goes out every day, she goes every way, oh yeah
And they dont even care at all

Shes open waiting for more
And I know hes only looking to score
And it is way too unhealthy
Often they typically
Been starved for attention before

She smokes a dozen and he doesnt seem to notice the smell
He took the seat off his own bike because the way that it felt
He wants to bone, this I know she is ready to blow
They go out every night, his pants are super tight, oh yeah
And they dont even care at all

Shes open waiting for more
And I know hes only looking to score
And it is way too unhealthy
Often they typically
Been starved for attention before




11. WENDY CLEAR

Lets take the boat out on the bay
Forget your job for just one day
I wish it didnt have to be so bad
It might be innapropriate because
Either way our band get dropped
I wish it didnt have to be so bad

But Id play with fire to break the ice
And Id play with a nuclear device
Is it something I'll regret?
Why do I want what I cant get?
I wish it didnt have to be so bad

The three-date theory is getting old
Everyone is getting left out in the cold
I wiwsh it didnt have to be so bad
So I'll see you with another guy
Who pretends not to hear you when you cry
I wish it didnt have to be so bad

But Id play with fire to break the ice
And Id play with a nuclear device
Is it something I'll regret?
Why do I want what I cant get?
I wish it didnt have to be so bad

I'll be moving on




12. ANTHEN

Home show, mom wont know
Run out the back door
Hes passed out on the floor
Third time, been caught twice
Forgive our neighbor Bob
I think he humped the dog

But good things come to those who wait
Cause she laid me
And mom and dad posses the key
Instant slavery
No need explain the plan
No need to even bother
Ill pack my bags I swear Ill run
Wish my friends were 21

White lies, bloodshot eyes
Breath of alcohol
Stole it from the mall
Hows Chris marked with lipstick
Better call their fathers
Sleeping with your daughters
But good things come to those who wait
Cause she laid me
And mom and dad posses the key
Instant slavery
No need explain the plan
No need to even bother
Ill pack my bags I swear Ill run
Wish my friends were 21

You dont belong, you left the kids to carry on
You planned their fall
Too bad youre wrong, dont need a mom dad slave drive song
I time bomb

Turn low the radio
I think I hear my dad
Yelling at the band

But good things come to those who wait
Cause she laid me
And mom and dad posses the key
Instant slavery
No need explain the plan
No need to even bother
Ill pack my bags I swear Ill run
Wish my friends were 21

You dont belong, you left the kids to carry on
You planned their fall
Too bad youre wrong, dont need a mom dad slave drive song
I time bomb