1. X-MAS IN HELL




Merry Christmas.

That's what people say at Christmas, right?
Except normally they have someone to say it to.
They have friends and family,

And they haven't been crouched naked under a Christmas tree
With a needle in their arm like an insane person in a mansion in Van Nuys.
They're not out of their minds, they're not writing in a diary,
And they're definitely not watching their holiday spirit coagulate in a spoon.
I didn't speak to a single person today.
I thought why should I ruin their fucking Christmas.

I've started a new diary and this time I have a few new reasons.
One, I have no friends left.
Two, so I can read back and remember what I did the day before.
And three, so if I die, at least I leave a nice little suicide note of my life.

It's just me and you, diary. Welcome to my fucking life.

Nobody would believe the shit that happens inside my head, it's haunted.
Now I've come down from the drugs
It seems like a sick play that I saw in a theater somewhere.
Thirty minutes ago, I could've killed someone.
Or better yet, myself.






2. PRAY FOR ME




She lights a candle, but she doesn't know why.
She wants to save me, but i'm barely alive.
My soul is thirsty. I just wanna get high.
Make her go away.

Now i'm hitting the wall and she begs me to quit,
And she drags me to church but i'm scared to commit,
And i'm loosing my mind 'cause she hides all my shit.
She wont go away.

And all I ask of her is
Pray for me,
Cause I don't want to
Pray for me,
If you love me.
Cross your heart and hope that I wont die before the best day of my life.
Just pray for me tonight.

I dragged myself out of the bed that she made,
And I escape her in a black motercade
She's pushing bibles and a clear bill of health.
I can't make her go away.

Now i'm hitting the wall and she begs me to quit,
And she drags me to church but i'm scared to commit,
And i'm loosing my mind 'cause she hides all my shit.
She wont go away.

And all I ask of her is
Pray for me,
Cause I don't want to
Pray for me,
If you love me.
Cross your heart and hope that
I don't die before the best day of my life.
Just pray for me tonight.

Now i'm hitting the wall and she begs me to quit,
And she drags me to church but i'm scared to commit,
And i'm loosing my mind 'cause she hides all my shit.
And all I ask of her is
Pray for me,
I don't want to
Pray for me,
If you love me.
Cross your heart and hope that
I don't die before the best day of my life.

Pray for me tonight
Pray for me
Pray for me tonight
Pray for me
Pray for me tonight
Pray for me
Pray for me tonight
Pray for me
Pray for me to






3. HEART FAILURE



When I think back on this life
I guess we were doing the best we could
And to look at us from the outside
I'm sure it seems somewhat romantic
but when you've tasted excess
Everything else tastes bland
Yeah, we had everything to lose
But we still lived like we were about to die
After all, we were the drug scouts of America

I've begun evaporating
Right before your eyes
I just keep regurgitating
My own demise

I miss today I miss the past
I miss my veins 'cause they've collapsed
A simple thought occurs to me

I'm face down on the tracks
The train is coming fast
And it's not derailing
It's not the first time
And this won't be the last
That my heart is failing

As the blood is rushing
to my head
And from my wrists
I'm in love with all the things I know I should resist

And all the times you said to me
Your falling down ones destiny
A simple thought occurs to me

I'm face down on the tracks
The train is coming fast
And you're right there waiting
It's not the first time
And this won't be the last
That my heart is failing

Like I was saying
The look in the eyes of death
Was intoxicating
Taking it into our lungs
Laughing at ourselves
Where others would probably cry
And more importantly
I'd probably just die
Staring face to face with the demons
And not back down
Takes a constitution that most people just don't have
A life gets soiled with sex, drugs and rock and roll

I'm face down on the tracks
The train is coming fast
And it's not derailing
It's not the first time
And this won't be the last
That my heart is failing

I'm face down on the tracks
The train is coming fast
And you're right there waiting
It's not the first time
And this won't be the last
That my heart is failing






4. INTERMISSION



When I first placed my hands on these diaries
Scraps of paper, there were notes and scribbles and all kinds of shit
A lot of feelings came bubbling up, but mostly this one--

How the hell am I still alive?
That's what I think every day.

But more on that later.
After all, this is just the intermission.






5. DEAD MAN' BALLET



Oh no, how could this happen to
Such an amazing young boy
I had my whole life ahead of me

Oh God, how could you have let this
Happen to such a lovely young child
I was their only son and I tried,
Tried, tried

Come on,
Come on get out of the way
Get out of the way man
You're going to have to let go of his arm
You have to let go sir
We've got about two minutes here
We've got about two minutes and we're going to lose him

Yeah, you, you miserable father
The one who ignored me for half of my life
Now I, I can't even look at you
Why? Why? Why?

Don't abandon me now
I don't want to die!

You can lead him to the ambulance
But you cannot make him live
No, you cannot make me live!
You can lead him to the ambulance
Lead me home!
But you cannot make him live

What could I have done differently
You never said there was anything wrong
Now the drugs, they give me encouragement
Why? Why? Why?

Oh God, tell me I'll make it
I'll give you my blood if that's all you need
Just don't tell me that I'm gonna die,
Die, die!

Don't abandon me now
I don't want to die
Alone...

You can lead him to the ambulance
But you cannot make him live
No you cannot make me live!
You can lead him to the ambulance
Why can't we celebrate? Lead me home!
But you cannot make him live






6. TOMORROW



Where ya gonna be tomorrow?
How ya gonna face the sorrow?
Where ya gonna be when you die?
Cause nothing's gonna last forever
And things they change like the weather
They're gone in the blink of an eye

Just look at yourself, can you see where you are?
Look at yourself, now you can't hide the scars
Just look at yourself 'cause there's nowhere to go
And you know

Tomorrow
You're gonna have to live with the things you say
Tomorrow
You'll have to cross bridges that you burned today
Tomorrow...
And everything you do, it's coming back for you
You'll never outrun what waits for you
Tomorrow.

And are you terrified by sadness
And have you given into madness
You're running out of places to hide
Cause everybody's got a reason
To justify how they're feelin'
Maybe you should open your eyes

Just look at yourself, do you like what you see?
Look at yourself, is this how it should be?
Just look at yourself, 'cause there's nowhere to go
And you'll know

Tomorrow
You're gonna have to live with the things you say
Tomorrow
You'll have to cross bridges that you burned today
Tomorrow...
And everything you do, it's coming back for you
You'll never outrun what waits for you
Tomorrow.

Are you waiting for the reason to change?
Are you waiting for the end, has it came?
Nothing's gonna stand in your way...

Just look at yourself, do you like what you see?
Look at yourself, is this how it should be?

Tomorrow
You're gonna have to live with the things you say
Tomorrow
You'll have to cross bridges that you burned today
Tomorrow...
And everything you do, it's coming back for you
You'll never outrun what waits for you
Tomorrow.






7. ACCIDENTS CAN HAPPEN



Don't give up, it takes a while
I have seen this look before
And it's alright
You're not alone
If you don't love this anymore
I hear that you've slipped again
I'm here 'cause I know you'll need a friend

And you know that accidents can happen
And it's okay,
We all fall off the wagon sometimes
It's not your whole life
It's only one day
You haven't thrown everything away.

Take some time and learn to breathe
And remember what it means
To feel alive
And to believe
Something more than what you see
I know there's a price for this
But some things in life you must resist

And you know that accidents can happen
And it's okay,
We all fall off the wagon sometimes
It's not your whole life
It's only one day
You haven't thrown everything away.

I hear that you've slipped again
I'm here 'cause I know you'll need a friend

And you know that accidents can happen
And it's okay,
We all fall off the wagon sometimes
It's not your whole life
It's only one day
You haven't thrown everything away.

You know that accidents can happen
And it's okay,
We all fall off the wagon sometimes
It's not your whole life
It's only one day
You haven't thrown everything away.

So don't give up
It takes a while.






8. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL



You can't quit until you try
You can't live until you die
You can't learn to tell the truth
Until you learn to lie

You can't breathe until you choke
You gotta laugh when you're the joke
There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

I know some things that you don't
I've done things that you won't
There's nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home

I was waiting for my hearse
What came next was so much worse
It took a funeral to make me feel alive

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Alive...
Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?