1. INTRODUCTION

(instrumental)


2. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MARTYRDOM AND SUICIDE IS PRESS COVERAGE

Sit tight, I'm gonna need you to keep time
Come on just snap, snap, snap your fingers for me
Good, good now we're making some progress
Come on just tap, tap, tap your toes to the beat
And I believe this may call for a proper introduction, and well
Don't you see, I'm the narrator, and this is just the prologue?

Swear to shake it up, if you swear to listen
Oh, we're still so young, desperate for attention
I aim to be your eyes, trophy boys, trophy wives

Swear to shake it up, if you swear to listen
Oh, we're still so young, desperate for attention
I aim to be your eyes, trophy boys, trophy wives

Applause, applause, no wait wait
Dear studio audience, I've an announcement to make:
It seems the artists these days are not who you think
So we'll pick back up on that on another page

And I believe this may call for a proper introduction, and well
Don't you see, I'm the narrator and this is just the prologue

Swear to shake it up, if you swear to listen
Oh, we're still so young, desperate for attention
I aim to be your eyes, trophy boys, trophy wives

Swear to shake it up, if you swear to listen
Oh, we're still so young, desperate for attention
I aim to be your eyes, trophy boys, trophy wives

Swear to shake it up, you swear to listen
Swear to shake it up, you swear to listen
Swear to shake it up, you swear to listen
Swear to shake it up, swear to shake it up

Swear to shake it up, if you swear to listen
Oh, we're still so young, desperate for attention
I aim to be your eyes, trophy boys, trophy wives

Swear to shake it up, if you swear to listen
Oh, we're still so young, desperate for attention
I aim to be your eyes


3. LONDON BECKONED SONGS ABOUT MONEY WRITTEN BY MACHINES

Stop stalling, make a name for yourself.
Boy you better put that pen to paper, charm your way out.
If you talk you better walk you better back your shit up
With more than good hooks while you're all under the gun

Start talking "a sensationalist"
Oh he's slightly clever to just a certain extent
If you talk you better walk you better keep your mouth shut
With more than good hooks while you're all under the gun

(Panic!: meet the press)
It's time for us to take a chance
It's time for us to take a chance

(Panic!: meet the press)
It's time for us to take a chance
It's time for us...

Well we're just a wet dream for the webzine,
Make us it, make us hip, make us scene
Or shrug us off your shoulders
Don't approve a single word that we wrote (x2)

I'm burning and I'm blacking my lungs
Boy you know it feels good with fire back on your tongue
If you talk you better walk you better back your shit up
With more than good hooks while you're all under the gun

Start talking "a sensationalist"
Oh he's slightly clever to just a certain extent
Well keep quiet let us sing like the doves
Then decide if it's done with purpose or lack thereof.

Just for the record,
The weather today is slightly sarcastic with a good chance of:
A. Indifference or
B. Disinterest in what the critics say

It's time for us to take a chance
It's time for us...

Well we're just a wet dream for the webzine,
Make us it, make us hip, make us scene
Or shrug us off your shoulders
Don't approve a single word that we wrote (x2)


4. NAILS FOR BREAKFAST, TACKS FOR SNACKS

Watch your mouth
Oh, oh, oh
Because your speech is slurred enough
That you just might swallow your tongue
I'm sure you'd want, want to give up the ghost
With just a little more poise than that

Or was it God who chokes
In these situations, running late?
No, no, he called in
Or was it God who chokes
In these situations, running late?
No, no, he called in

The hospice is
A relaxing weekend getaway
Where you're a cut above all the rest
Sick and sad patients
On first name basis with all the top physicians

Prescribed pills
To offset the shakes
To offset the pills
You know you should take
It a day at a time

That's when you stu-stu-stutter something profound
To the support on the line
And with the way you've been talking
Every word gets you a step closer to hell (x2)

Prescribed pills
To offset the shakes
To offset the pills
You know you should take
It a day at a time (x2)

I am
Alone in this bed, house, and head
And she never fixes this
But at least she...

I am
Alone, in this bedroom
She never fixes this
But at least she...

Prescribed pills
To offset the shakes
To offset the pills
You know you should take
It a day at a time (x2)

The hospice is
A relaxing weekend getaway
Where you're a cut above all the rest
Sick and sad patients
On first name basis with all the top physicians


5. CAMISADO

The I.V. and your hospital bed
This was no accident
This was a therapeutic chain of events

This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor
This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital
It's not so pleasant
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering where
The apathy and urgency is that I thought I phoned in
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

Just sit back, just sit back
Just sit back and relax
Just sit back, just sit back
Just sit back and relapse again

Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back

You're a regular decorated emergency
You're a regular decorated emergency

This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor
This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering where
The apathy and urgency is that I thought I phoned in
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal

Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back
Sit back, sit back, relax, relapse
Sit back, sit back, bababada
You can take the kid out of the fight

You're a regular decorated emergency
The bruises and contusions will remind me what you did when you wake
You've earned a place atop the ICU's hall of fame
The camera caught you causing a commotion on the gurney again (x2)

Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back
Sit back, sit back, relax, relapse
Sit back, sit back, bababada
You can take the kid out of the fight

The I.V. and your hospital bed
This was no accident
This was a therapeutic chain of events


6. TIME TO DANCE

Well, she's not bleeding on the ballroom floor
Just for the attention.
Cause that's just ridiculously on.
Well, she sure is gonna get it
Here's the setting
Fashion magazines line the walls now
The walls line the bullet holes

Have some composure
Where is your posture?
Oh, no, no
You're pulling the trigger
Pulling the trigger
All wrong
[x2]

Give me envy, give me malice, give me a-a-attention
Give me envy, give me malice, baby, give me a break!
When I say "Shotgun", you say "Wedding"
"Shotgun", "Wedding", "Shotgun", "Wedding"

She didn't choose this role
But she'll play it and make it sincere
So you cry, you cry
(Give me a break)
But they believe it from the tears
And the teeth right down to the blood
At her feet
Boys will be boys
Hiding in estrogen and wearing Aubergine dreams
(Give me a break)

Have some composure
Where is your posture?
Oh, no, no
You're pulling the trigger
Pulling the trigger
All wrong
[x2]

Come on this is screaming "Photo op." op...
Come on
Come on
This is screaming
This is screaming
This is screaming "Photo op."

Boys will be boys, baby
Boys will be boys
Boys will be boys, baby
Boys will be boys

Give me envy, give me malice, give me a-a-attention
Give me envy, give me malice, baby, give me a break!
When I say "Shotgun", you say "Wedding"
"Shotgun", "Wedding", "Shotgun", "Wedding"

Boys will be boys
Hiding in estrogen and boys will be boys
Boys will be boys
Hiding in estrogen and wearing Aubergine dreams


7. LYING IS THE MOST FUN A GIRL CAN HAVE WITHOUT TAKING HER CLOTHER OFF

Is it still me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?
Then think of what you did
And how I hope to God he was worth it.
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin.
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus
In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off?
(Let's pick up, pick up)

Oh now I do recall, we were just getting to the part
Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick.
I hope you didn't expect that you'd get all of the attention.
Now let's not get selfish
Did you really think I’d let you kill this chorus?

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster

I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Dance to this beat
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Dance to this beat
And hold a lover close
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster


8. INTERMISSION

(instrumental)


9. BUT IT'S BETTER IF YOU DO

Now I'm of consenting age to be forgetting you in a cabaret.
Somewhere downtown where a burlesque queen may even ask my name
As she sheds her skin on stage
I'm seated and sweating to a dance song on the club's P.A.
The strip joint veteran sits two away
Smirking between dignified sips of his dignified peach and lime daiquiri

And isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety
Oh, isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety

But, but I'm afraid that I
Well, I may have faked it
And I wouldn't be caught dead in this place

Well, I'm afraid that I
Well, that's right, well I may have faked it
And I wouldn't be caught dead in this place

And isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety
Oh, isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety

Well, I'm afraid that I
Well, I may have faked it
And I wouldn't be caught dead in this place

Well, I'm afraid that I
Well, that's right, well I may have faked it
And I wouldn't be caught dead in this place

And isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety
Oh, isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety

Praying for love and paying in naivety
Praying for love and paying in naivety, oh


10. I WRITE SINS NOT TRAGEDIES

Oh,
Well imagine,
As I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor,
And I can't help but to hear,
No, I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words:
"What a beautiful wedding! What a beautiful wedding!" says a bridesmaid to a waiter.
"And yes, but what a shame, what a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore."

I'd chime in with a
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in,
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of...

Well in fact,
Well I'll look at it this way,
I mean technically our marriage is saved
Well this calls for a toast
So pour the champagne
Oh! Well in fact,
Well I'll look at it this way,
I mean technically our marriage is saved
Well this calls for a toast,
So pour the champagne, pour the champagne

I'd chime in with a
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in,
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality.
Again...

I'd chime in,
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in,
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality.
Again...


11. I CONSTANTLY THANK GOD FOR ESTEBAN

Give us this day our daily dose of faux affliction
Forgive our sins
Forged at the pulpit with forked tongues selling faux sermons.
'Cause I am a new wave gospel sharp, and you'll be thy witness
So gentlemen, if you're gonna preach, for God sakes preach with conviction!

Strike up the band!
Whoa-oh, the conductor is beckoning
Come congregation, let's sing it like you mean it
No. Don't you get it, don't you get it? Now don't you move.
Strike up the band!
Whoa-oh, the conductor is beckoning
Come congregation, let's sing it like you mean it
No. Don't you get it, don't you get it? Now don't you move.

Just stay where I can see you.
Douse the lights!
We sure are in for a show tonight

In this little number we're graced by two displays of character,
We've got: the gunslinger extraordinaire walking contradictions
And I for one can see no blood from the hearts and the wrists you allegedly slit
And I for one wont stand for this if this scene were a parish you'd all be condemned.

Strike up the band!
Whoa-oh, the conductor is beckoning
Come congregation, let's sing it like you mean it
No. Don't you get it, don't you get it? Now don't you move.
Strike up the band!
Whoa-oh, the conductor is beckoning
Come congregation, let's sing it like you mean it
No. Don't you get it, don't you get it? Now don't you, don't you move.

Just stay where I can see you
Douse the lights!
We sure are in for a show tonight
Just stay where I can see you
Douse the lights!
We sure are in for a show tonight

Stay where I can see you
Douse the lights!

La da da da da da da Da da da da da da La da da da da da da

Strike up the band!
Whoa-oh, the conductor is beckoning
Come congregation, let's sing it like you mean it
No. Don't you get it, don't you get it? Now don't you move.
Strike up the band!
Whoa-oh, the conductor is beckoning
Come congregation, let's sing it like you mean it
No. Don't you get it, don't you get it? Now don't you move.
Don't you move
Don't you move
Strike up the band!


12. THERE'S A GOOD REASON THESE TABLES ARE NUMBERED HONEY, YOU JUST HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET

Please, leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman.
From that moment you'll be out of place and underdressed.
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it.
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and...

Please, leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman.
From that moment you'll be out of place and underdressed.
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it.
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and...

When you're in black slacks with accentuating, off-white, pinstripes
Whoa, everything goes according to plan.

I'm the new cancer, never looked better, you can't stand it.
Because you say so under your breath.
You're reading lips "When did he get all confident?"

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
Never looked better, and you can't stand it

Next is a trip to the, the ladies room in vain, and
I bet you just can't keep up with, (keep up) with these fashionistas, and
Tonight, tonight you are, you are a whispering campaign.
I bet to them your name is "Cheap", I bet to them you look like shh...

Talk to the mirror, oh, choke back tears.
And keep telling yourself that "I'm a diva!"
Oh and the smokes in that cigarette box on the table,
they just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin.

I'm the new cancer, never looked better, you can't stand it.
Because you say so under your breath.
You're reading lips "When did he get all confident?"

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
Never looked better, and you can't stand it

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
I've never looked better, and you can't stand it (x2)

And I know, and I know, it just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up.
I've never been so surreptitious, so of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch. (x3)


13. BUILD GOD, THEN WE'LL TALK

It's these substandard motels on the (lalalalala) corner of 4th and Fremont Street.
Appealing only because they are just that un-appealing
Any practiced catholic would cross themselves upon entering.
The rooms have a hint of asbestos and maybe just a dash of formaldehyde,
And the habit of decomposing right before your very (lalalala) eyes.

Along with the people inside
What a wonderful caricature of intimacy
Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy

Tonight tenants range from: a lawyer and a virgin
Accessorizing with a rosary tucked inside her lingerie
She's getting a job at the firm come Monday.
The Mrs. will stay with the cheating attorney
moonlighting aside, she really needs his money.
Oh, wonderful caricature of intimacy.

Yeah (Yeah)

And not to mention, the constable, and his proposition, for that "virgin"
Yes, the one the lawyer met with on "strictly business"
as he said to the Mrs. Well, only hours before,
after he had left, she was fixing her face in a compact.
There was a terrible crash (There was a terrible crash)
Between her and the badge
She spilled her purse and her bag, and held a "purse" of a different kind.

Along with the people inside
What a wonderful caricature of intimacy
Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy

There are no raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses.
It's sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses
At the shade of the sheets and before all the stains
And a few more of your least favorite things.

Raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses
It's sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses
At the shade of the sheets and before all the stains
And a few more of your least favorite things.

Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy
Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy

Raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses
It's sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses
At the shade of the sheets and before all the stains
And a few more of your least favorite things.

Raindrops on roses and the girls in white dresses
And sleeping with the roaches and they taking best guesses
At the shade of the sheets and before all the stains
And a few more of your least favorite things.